


you can guess

by bwee



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Pining, dnd lmao, i think
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-24 11:13:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9721748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwee/pseuds/bwee
Summary: jihoon pines for soonyoung every time they hang out





	1. Chapter 1

Neither of them are paying attention to the episode of the xfiles that’s playing between them on Jihoon’s laptop. Jihoon would love to chalk it up to the fact that he’s exhausted, he’d gotten up at 8 to make sure he had time to shower and clean his room after all. But thinking about how tired he is just makes him think about how nice it would be to take a nap with Soonyoung. He almost asks him to a few times, but he can’t think of a way to make it sound like a half-joke. He can’t think of a way to ask Soonyoung to lay down and hold him in his arms and fall asleep like that without it being weird. Because that’s weird. Because they’re both pretending to watch the xfiles when they aren’t. Because they’re both pretending this is normal, standard friendship procedure.

Jihoon is trying his hardest to pay attention to what Soonyoung is telling him. He registers enough to know when to react, to know that whatever it is is funny, endearing. But he knows if someone asked him tomorrow what Soonyoung was talking about that was so riveting they both missed 40 minutes of a very plot-heavy episode of their favorite show, he wouldn’t be able to tell them. He could tell them all about what Soonyoung’s mouth looks like while it forms words. Or how nice Soonyoung smells. Like laundry detergent and soap and something Jihoon can’t quite place that makes his body feel warm from the inside out.  He thinks maybe Soonyoung mentioned his dad, or his dog, or his childhood dreams. But Jihoon’s a bad friend and his brain only fully registered how badly he wanted to kiss Soonyoung.

They hug each other goodbye. Because Jihoon had given Soonyoung the all-clear on this form of physical contact. And because friends do this. Jihoon always holds on tighter and he tries to pretend it doesn’t hurt his feelings. He’s almost sure Soonyoung is just afraid of scaring him. Or hurting him. Like he’s a wounded animal. This reminds Jihoon that he’ll have to be the brave one, the one who makes all the moves. But not tonight.

 

***

 

The next time they see each other, they’re wearing matching outfits. Jihoon pretends it’s an accident (it almost is) and that it isn’t making his skin buzz with a rightness he doesn’t fully understand. He also pretends not to be disappointed when Soonyoung doesn’t mention it, just pulls out his driveway commenting on the indie music filling the air. Jihoon huffs a laugh in acknowledgement and stares out the window at the starless night. The black sky matching the black clothes the pair are wearing. He reminds himself they aren’t a pair, not really. Not to anyone but him.

Soonyoung tells him to sit next to him at dnd and Jihoon would be excited if he couldn’t excuse it as there being only two spots left, right beside each other in the corner. He pulls his legs into his chest and pretends to pay attention to the recap that had started before they arrived while Soonyoung settles in. Jihoon wonders if anyone else at the table had noticed they were matching, if they would make some snide remarks that would turn his ears red.

Jihoon hadn’t noticed how much time he spends staring at Soonyoung when they’re together. He’s certainly noticing it now. With the pressure of being in a room full of other people, their eyes on him. Every time his eyes shift from Soonyoung to someone else in the room he feels caught and fully exposed. Everyone here is more Soonyoung’s friend than his and he knows he has to stop staring or someone is going to say something and the spell over the two of them will break. Jihoon isn’t ready to deal with any of the outcomes that could follow.

He pretends to be into the game, which isn’t very hard because even when he isn’t playing, dnd is still fun. Soonyoung ends up stumbling upon a goddess and becoming, essentially, her bitch. Soonyoung has to stand up to roll his d20 on every turn and Jihoon realizes after a while that he’s been staring at his ass every time he does. He quickly averts his eyes, looking at everyone else to make sure none of them had been looking at him. He has to make a conscious effort not to look for the rest of the night.

At some point after 1am, the game dies down a little. It’s still going but everyone is tired and side conversations keep cropping up. Jihoon isn’t keeping up with any of them. He feels like the corner has become its own little bubble, just Soonyoung and him. They’re looking at a thread of horror movie gifs and trying to figure out which movies the recognize, laughing by themselves while everyone else is talking about zombies or tattoos or tattooed zombies, Jihoon doesn’t know. He knows that at one point he and Soonyoung laugh so hard that everyone stops to look at them. And he knows that this feels both good and terrifying. The terror only lasts for a moment because Soonyoung’s leg is resting against his and he’s laughing in his ear and Jihoon is sucked right back into the bubble.

On the ride home, Soonyoung asks Jihoon if he had fun, if the session had helped him relieve any stress. And Jihoon just tells him he had fun and that it did. He feels his heart jump into his throat, he hadn’t realized Soonyoung was doing this for his benefit. Jihoon spends the rest of the car ride thinking about this, about Soonyoung caring enough to invite Jihoon to intrude on his time with his friends. He thinks they talk about ghosts or aliens or something. He remembers mentioning the moon. When they get to Jihoon’s house, Soonyoung gets out of his car and they meet in the middle and they hug. And Jihoon looks up at the full moon and he feels Soonyoung moving to let go. Jihoon holds on tighter, thanks Soonyoung for being alive at the same time as him. This time, Soonyoung squeezes Jihoon back, matching his strength. Jihoon feels warmth blossom inside of him. When they pull apart they just stand there, staring at each other.

Jihoon knows he’ll remember the way Soonyoung looked at him in that moment, an arm’s length apart, unmoving. He remembers the way Soonyoung’s mouth opened to say something, but no words came out. He remembers the books he’s read where they describe such a movement as being "like a fish". He remembers that this movement was much more beautiful and heartbreaking and _everything he ever wanted_ than anything in the animal kingdom could ever convey. In this moment, he knows that Soonyoung wants this as much as he does. But he also knows they are both scared. So he moves back, tells Soonyoung to text him when he gets home. Tells him he better not die. Which is his way of saying he might love him. Soonyoung laughs, and does text him when he gets home unharmed. And Jihoon knows this is enough, for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! I wanted this to be cute but I think it ended up being a little bit sad. I don't know why or how that happened. But hey, I finally finished a soonhoon fluff fic (if this counts as fluff)!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't expecting this to be a multi-chapter thing but i guess it is now.  
> hope you enjoy this tiny morsel!

Jihoon generally considers himself to be a responsible human. He figures every once in a while, he deserves a night off from the heavy weight of making adult decisions. And he’d love to say that this was the plain and simple, singular reason he decided to hang out with Soonyoung until 2:30am when he had to get up for class at 6. But he knows that isn’t the truth.  
And when Soonyoung asks him why he didn’t tell him he had class, so he could get home sooner, Jihoon was honest. He didn’t want to leave. He is an adult who makes his own decisions, and he decided at least five times throughout the night that even though he really should get home to get some sleep, he didn’t want to leave. When Soonyoung asks him why he didn’t want to leave, Jihoon starts shaking like a leaf.  
By the time the question is asked, Jihoon is tucked safely in his bed, staring at the brightness of facebook messenger. So he has the peace of mind that he doesn’t have to answer right away. He buries his face in the hoodie Soonyoung had told him to keep and considered his options. His shaking body was a clear indicator that there was one answer, the honest answer, that was entirely off the table. Jihoon makes a list of all the reasons he didn’t want to leave Soonyoung’s house that night in his head, and wills his shaking body to chill the fuck out.  
Jihoon didn’t want to leave because Soonyoung smelled nice. He smelled so nice it was almost lulling him to sleep when they were cuddled up under a blanket together on Soonyoung’s couch. He was so comforting; sitting there smelling nice and breathing lyrics to indie songs out softly next to Jihoon’s ear. He didn’t want to leave because he likes Soonyoung’s eyes and his smile and the weird noises of embarrassment he makes when Jihoon asks him to play guitar for him. Because the sound of Soonyoung laughing fills Jihoon with a sense of peace he isn’t entirely ready to admit to. Because he wanted to rest his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder and fall asleep there, forget about class and how worried his parents would be and how sore they’d probably both be in the morning. Because no matter how hard he tried, Jihoon couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Soonyoung. Not while they were watching corgi videos, or listening to each other’s favorite songs, or playing with Soonyoung’s cat. Because at some point they shifted positions on the couch, and Soonyoung’s knee was pressing into Jihoon’s thigh and the point of contact felt like it was engulfed in flames. Because every time Soonyoung’s knee moved along his thigh, Jihoon felt his cheeks burn and heat pool in his stomach. Because he wanted to know if Soonyoung was doing that on purpose. Because all these things add up to something big for Jihoon and he wants to know if they add up to the same thing for Soonyoung. He wants to know he isn’t just imagining it.  
He takes fifteen minutes to stop shaking. After considering telling Soonyoung it was totally because he wanted to spend more time with his cat, he decides to tell Soonyoung it’s because he likes spending time with him. He wonders if there’s enough space for his whole list to fit in between the lines. Wonders if maybe Soonyoung realizing “I like spending time with you.” really means “I like you.” would be enough for him not to care if he couldn’t see the whole list. That’s the sum it all adds up to anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh... yeah here's this. i don't know if this is cute, i don't know anything. i hope you like it.  
> (i know you're reading this kayla and No These Are Not The Sweet Deets don't get too pumped)

4p.m. is not a time for confessing things. Jihoon is thinking this while Soonyoung is telling him his health is deteriorating and he might have to be hooked up to tubes for the rest of his life. How it might get so bad in the future that his organs will start failing. How nothing in his life is in his control. Jihoon wants to say something profound, or at least something helpful. Instead he tells Soonyoung he can have his organs. You aren’t supposed to make jokes at times like this, but this is only disguised as a joke. Jihoon wouldn’t mind dying, but Soonyoung vehemently refuses. Soonyoung looks like he’s about to cry, says he would rather die than live the future he thinks is ahead of him. Jihoon feels his chest tighten, and he thinks the room might be spinning. When Soonyoung moves in for the hug, Jihoon just holds him there, does his best to ignore how his shoulder is choking him.   
Soonyoung keeps apologizing for dropping this all on him, and all Jihoon can do is tell him it’s really okay. All he can do is think about how weird it is for Soonyoung to say this and demand nothing from him in return. He wants to tell Soonyoung to turn off the episode of Twin Peaks he just turned on because how the fuck is Jihoon supposed to pay attention now, when all he can think about is how he should be finding a way to make Soonyoung feel better? Soonyoung who is curled up in a ball and looking like the smallest thing Jihoon has ever seen in his life. But Jihoon says nothing, does nothing but ask Soonyoung if he’s okay when he starts shaking violently. When Soonyoung tells him yes, Jihoon laughs and tells him he knows he isn’t okay. They hug again and Jihoon thinks this might be the only thing holding either of them together.  
Twin Peaks ends and it holds no answers and if Jihoon was in a more creative state of mind, he might find this profound. If Soonyoung was yelling next to him in dismay he might be able to draw the list of similarities to himself of the show right now. Instead he tells Soonyoung he’s glad they didn’t have to wait 20 years to find out what happens next. Even after the three hours it took to finish the last episodes, there’s a part him still focused on Soonyoung might die but he tries his best to quiet it.  
They watch an episode of The X-Files in a poor attempt to calm Soonyoung’s nerves. When the episode ends on a cliffhanger, Soonyoung screams into the pillow he’d been cuddling. He thinks about Soonyoung’s been keeping his distance all night, tries to remember it’s because Soonyoung is afraid, not because he’s disgusted. Jihoon wants to tell him to just skip dnd and watch the next episode, but he’s afraid of sounding selfish so he says nothing.   
They end up sitting on Soonyoung’s couch for three more hours anyway, Netflix and Soonyoung’s plans apparently forgotten. They hunch over Soonyoung’s phone looking at pictures of cats until Jihoon’s back starts aching. Then Soonyoung catches Jihoon up on the latest dnd shenanigans. His newest character is a bear warlord, who has an ability that lets him fool people into thinking he’s human. The elf in their party was being a grade a asshat so everyone stole all his shit last game. Jihoon laughs until he remembers the girl that likes Soonyoung has been trying to get into the dnd group, then his throat constricts. He excuses himself to use the bathroom and when he returns he sits as far away from Soonyoung as possible, trying to make it seem normal.  
When they step outside Soonyoung’s house to leave, Jihoon starts shivering almost immediately. The temperature dropped at least twenty degrees since they had arrived and he wasn’t dressed for it. Soonyoung does his best to help, holds his hand and turns the heat on full blast in his shitty little car. The heat ends up fogging the windshield so much that they have to pull over. Jihoon is still shaking but Soonyoung comments on how his hands are somehow warmer than his. Jihoon laughs until Soonyoung grabs his other hand. Jihoon thinks for the smallest fraction of a second that Soonyoung might kiss him, right here on the side of the road in front of someone’s house. He doesn’t. Jihoon is warmed up by the time they get back on the road but Soonyoung asks if it’s okay to keep holding hands anyway. Jihoon decides it’s time to deal with this. If he doesn’t say something tonight, he’s never going to. When they’re fifteen minutes from Jihoon’s house, stopped at a red light, Soonyoung pops some tictacs and says he doesn’t want his breath to smell bad. Jihoon’s heart speeds up his brain trying to convince him he won’t have to be the one who does the talking after all.   
When they get to Jihoon’s house, they both get out of the car. Standard procedure. They hug each other like they always do and Jihoon isn’t worried about holding on too tightly anymore. Soonyoung thanks Jihoon for letting him unload his worries and Jihoon squeaks something out in response, not sure it was even loud enough for Soonyoung to hear. Soonyoung pulls away and Jihoon’s heart is pounding in his ears as he’s saying goodbye.   
In what Jihoon might dub the bravest moment of his life, he grabs Soonyoung’s hand and tells him to wait. Soonyoung does. Jihoon swallows his pride and talks over the stream of anxiety following through his body. As he’s speaking Soonyoung moves closer, takes both his hands. Jihoon gets the word boyfriend out and Soonyoung is smiling, eyes shining brighter than the stars, and Jihoon thinks his heart is going to jump out of his chest and beat him to death. Soonyoung says yes, that he’d love that, and Jihoon feels like he might be dreaming even as Soonyoung’s pulling him in for another hug. Soonyoung leaves with a promise to text him, and Jihoon can’t quite figure out how he makes it into his house with the way his body is trembling.   
Jihoon throws himself onto his bed and laughs a bit hysterically, taking a few deep breaths and watching his hands tremble. He can’t believe he really did it. He can’t believe Soonyoung said yes. He texts Wonwoo and Seungcheol just to make sure this is all real. It is, and they are just as excited as him.


End file.
